Hung

Hung is an interesting word. What was the first thing that came to your mind?

For some of you men out there, perhaps it is the word you use to describe your manhood to your buddies, but failing to deliver in reality to your partner.

For you less vain, perhaps you think of a jury equally failing to deliver. Or a man swinging from a rope, when the jury did deliver.

For you fun loving drinkers, perhaps the proverbial, “Man, I am hung-over” came to mind.

As for me, I am thinking about the pictures still remaining to be hung on the walls. One of those chores I wrote about in a previous column.

In this case, I hung myself last night when I told the Princess her ideas about hanging the pictures were all wrong. As I have said before, I am still a man; I just operate in a woman’s world.

I am not sure why I can’t just keep my mouth shut. It would after all be far more expedient. Women, when they get together to discuss hanging things, or anything for that matter, share their ideas and feelings. And they nod in approval when ideas are submitted, then share their opposing ideas. In doing so, they rarely create an argument. Although, they do sometimes tell their male partners later how wacked their friend’s ideas really were.

Guys on the other hand, we just can’t help ourselves. Telling a friend how stupid they are and how smart we are is just part of the process. Do we piss each other off? Of course. We grew up doing it from the time we were young. But then we go out and get “pissed,” as the British love to say, with the same buddies at the bar. We may hold a grudge for awhile, but a few brews solve the problem. Because after the drinks it is either, “I love you man,” or “I am gonna kick your butt,” either way problem solved.

This same strategy carries over with guys vs. dolls. We are programmed to prove our worthiness to our partner. Shania Twain’s song “That Don’t Impress Me Much,” is not that far off. We do want to impress you being “an original regular know it all.” Particularly, if we don’t have “a car” or look like “Brad Pitt.”

When you ladies ask our opinion, we do share it with you, and we expect you to share our point of view. And if you don’t, we can point out how brilliant we are and, conversely, how less brilliant you are. Those more skilled in arguing can point it out without actually saying it.

Which brings me back to hung. Yep, last night I hung myself. Woke up dreaming about being “hung” out to pasture by the Princess, who found someone else to share with. Realizing the errors of my ways cost me a backrub this morning. And it cost me a chance to prove how “hung” I was last night, instead hanging out with my friends, the couch pillows. One of these days I guess I should assign them names, so I can share my brilliance with them. Better yet, I may just learn to stop sharing and start caring. But that’s another story.