Match the Curves

I can’t speak for everyone, but I have found that life really does throw us a bunch of curves. Some of mine were self induced, but others just amazingly unforeseen and unimaginable. For instance, I never thought I would be married and divorced. Twice. And after the second disaster, which shouldn’t even count, but the judge didn’t see it that way, I was certain that I would never get remarried again. And by the time I met the Princess, I was 39 years old and definitely never going to have kids. My first two wives didn’t want them which suited me fine. So there were several curves right there.

But then I met the Princess, another curve, and I knew that if I wanted to be married to her I would have to want to be a Dad. Big curve. I remember the moment like it was yesterday when I called her out of the blue on my way to work and said I realized that I wanted to have a kid with her. After the shocked silence I could only hear the joy in her heart that I felt in mine. And thus we matched our curves.

Well, a couple of years went by and we decided to give it a go, if you know what I mean. And to our surprise, my super sperm turned out to be well … super. We were shockingly pregnant in only a couple of months and I can proudly say that I handled it better than the Princess. She was in shock for four days. I was out of it in 3 ½.

Anyway, within a few weeks I had come up with the name Carson for either a boy or girl. The Princess was sure it was going to be a girl, but I knew it was a boy. The reason I knew is my Dad wanted to carry on the family name and there would hell to pay if it wasn’t a boy. Talk about pressure to perform. X’s and Y’s are just as complicated in sex as X’s and O’s in football.

When he was born, I had just left my job, another self induced curve, and decided to spend a few months home with the Princess and Carson. When it was time for her to return to work, we went to the daycare center. There was a baby that needed so much attention all the time that the workers had little time for the other children. It was there that the SAHD curve was thrown and I became a SAHD.

I guess that screaming baby helped me find the baby in me because it turns out that being a SAHD was a curve in my path filled with unending curves. Who knows what the next curve will be or when it will come.

It will probably come tonight when the Princess comes home with Carson, one of them expecting a gourmet meal instead of the frozen pizza. But that’s another story.