Marriage CPR: Dating the Babysitter

Role reversal is strange indeed. The Princess comes home tired from work, while I am bored from household chores. She wants to just sit down, be bored and have a good home cooked meal. And I want to go out.

If it wasn’t so expensive, and if it were up to me, we would go out every night. Not because my wishes win out, but because “good home cooked meal” means grill and microwave. I have tried to become a better cook, but most cookbooks are written for experienced cooks, not the typical SAHD. Well, at least not for this SAHD. Perhaps some of you can open up a cookbook and immediately understand the difference between a dash and a pinch and boiling and simmer.

Well, if you want to put a little simmer in your relationship, you sometimes have to convince the “boss,” I mean Princess that you would like to dash out for a bite or a movie because your libido is boiling. Let’s face it; we all need a break from the kid(s). It is just as important for the marriage as it is for the soul.

Since we are older parents, we long ago had our bar hopping fun and going out to eat all the time is not nearly as fun as watching Carson throw a tantrum (and his food) all over the house. But even we get the urge for a date night. Many of our friends have date night once a week or at least once a month. We are more like once a year. Every time we manage to find a sitter, we do go out and realize we enjoy each other’s company and have something to talk about besides Carson.

Dating your wife may sound strange, but it is better than just acting like an old married couple who never go out. My parents probably don't think of it as such, but they have at least one movie date a week. They are 48 years strong, so movie dates must really work, since
Mom is a golf widow the rest of the time.

Dating the babysitter is a little tougher to pull off. At least I have found it that way in Connecticut. We have not found any who are reliable and getting an open date for them to watch Carson is nearly impossible. You didn't think I meant what you thought did you?

The best sitters are relatives (free) of course. But we have also found that neighbors (hopefully free) and maids (not free) make for good sitters. Teenagers are another good source, although they aren’t free and they require a lot of pizza. In Texas, teens and maids were reasonable. In Connecticut, they start at $15 per hour for ones you barely trust on up to $18+ for those you hope you can trust.

Another suggestion we were given, is to share with one of your child’s school friend’s parents. One time you take their terrors, and the next time they take yours. This way the kids entertain each other (and the fools watching them), while you get a free night out on the town.

It is important to keep the flame alive. Not just for the SAHD’s sanity and libido, but for the Princess’ sanity and libido as well. And once the kid realizes you really are coming back, they relax and have a good time. Plus, they really do want you and your Princess to get along. After all, one day we will be empty nesters. We want to make sure we know what to do with each other once Carson is grown. But that’s another story.